The Ballad of Duckdog

Once there was a beautiful Russian duck named Duckna Fillipovna who made her life by cleaning pieces of used sticky-tape for children’s school art projects.

It's a living.

One day, while scraping the pieces of lint off some scotch tape using a particularly bristly hedgehog, she was spied upon by a handsome Russian Prince Dog who was instantly smitten. Arrogantly, the Prince thought of capturing the Duck-maiden and taking her back to the royal kennels for some kibble and a good time. Duckna however, was a lady, and would have none of his slobbering, panting advances. She flew off, for she was world-wise and care-free, leaving the prince to curse his doggy heritage.

An idealistic representation of the Prince

                                     

In reality, the Prince gave off more of a creepy staring guy vibe.

                                       

The Prince in his natural habitat.

The Prince took to depression, heavy drinking, general loutish behaviour in bars and sleeping on the couches of royal relatives, for he should have got all the bitches, and his family had become ashamed by him. The duck was different, he thought, he had to have her. Thinking of her made him think of lovely things, like waterfalls and bulbous mushrooms and orange sauce. This carried on for some time to the annoyance of his friends.


                                                     
                     Wa'tsh thish about Peking Duck? I wa'sh not peeking at'sh no duck'sh


In the meantime Duckna had fallen on hard times. A rival sticky tape cleaner (who just happened to be a fox called Mr Belvedere)bribed a government lackey to introduce a law in Russian parliament placing an escalating tax on duck sticky tape cleaners, over concerns of damage to ducks bills in the process of cleaning. It was called the Duck’s Bill Damage Bill (Later “the Act”). Duckna was therefore forced out of a job for her own safety. She took to heavy drinking, always ordering Cold Duck or Famous Grouse. As luck ( fate?) would have it, one night, in a frenzy of violent peeing on fire hydrants, the Prince stumbled upon the very bar Duckna had begun to roost in.
                                         
                                                        Glug glug quack


As all true fairy tales go, it was alcohol that brought them together. The scenes below followed:


                               

                                      
                                          The cover of their photo album

and eventually:

                     
                                                             woof quack


And that is how Duckdog came to be born, son of dog and daughter of duck. They loved him/her greatly, until Duckna was eaten by hungover humans and the Prince died of old age and sadness 7 days later.


                                                


Their legacy is the Duckdog and he/she shall remind us of the eternal flame of the Duck and the Dog.

Or maybe that line isn’t entirely true…




                 


RB