Ramble Tamble: Silly Movie Titles and their Alternatives, the Third.

Silly Title: Eraserhead

Alternatives:

• Felt-tip Pen Head
• Scotch-tape Head
• Mathematical triangle head
• Rubber-band with a little bit of spit head
• Kim Jong-Il head

Me love you long time

Silly Title: 30 Days of Night

Do I have something in my teeth? Aaaaah....

Alternatives:

• 30 Days of Cold to Temperate Conditions. Also Vampires.
• 30 Days of Garlic Producers and Crucifix Makers Union Strike.

Silly Title: Dude, Wheres my Car?

The Racially Sensitive Version

Alternatives:

• Hey Jude, wheres my Beetle.
• Dude, wheres my plot.
• Dude, wheres my acting career in a few years.

Silly Title: Mr Magoriam's Wonder Emporium

Unfortunately my mental health is reaching Al Pacino levels

• Dr Rafeeqs' Fabulous Boutique
• Colonel de Moores' Amazing Department Store
• Sister Margerie's Enchanting Haberdashery

Silly Title: The Talented Mr Ripley

To which we can reply: "Shut Up"

Alternative:

• The Catlike Mr Meow
• The Pitiless Mr T
• The Silly Titled Mr Magoriam

Silly Title: The Gingerdead Man

Gary Busey is... a lunatic

Alternatives:

• The Killsbury Doughboy
• Stoney the Tiger
• The Stabby Pattie
• Snap, Crackle and Pop

Silly Title : Shark Boy and Lava Girl

This is what happens if you let people make bad movies. Robert Rodriguez is responsible for twilight.

Alternatives:

• Porpoise Boy and Magma Girl
• Manatee Boy and Goo Girl
• Clownfish Boy and Thing Girl
• Eel Boy and Wet Girl

Silly Title: Speed 2: Cruise Control

Actual screenshot

• 2 Speed or not 2 Speed
• Speed 2: Wonky GPS
• Speed 2: Willem The Foe

Silly Title: I now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

Alternatives:

• John McGay and Gayton O'Gaysie get hitched
• Homosexual Marriage Loophole
• Husband and Wusband
• Something Borrowed, Something Gay
• Buttyboys, Buttyboys, hahahahaha

Silly Title: I eat your skin

But thats too much cholesterol!

Alternatives:

• I eat your large toenail.
• I eat your nose hairs
• I eat your duodenum
• I eat your carotid artery
• I eat your medulla oblongata

Silly Title: The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.

Yes, the poster looks like shit in all languages.

Alternatives:

• Spoiler Alert. Jesse James snuffs it.
• The Violent and Voracious murder of Jesse James by the Crooked Cowardly and Cruel Robert Ford.
• So we have eh this guy, and he dies, and this other guy, he eh shoots him or something and I hope, eh,  this will fit on the poster.

End
RB

Random Thought Circus- I just had a view from Saudi Arabia!

Why does this post exist? Because it chooses to. 

• GMO fruit makes fruit bigger yes, therefore there’s more to eat yum yum yum. Not the bug repellent though. Food standards are on the decline anyway. I mean look at the one time they advertised tomato sauce as having 36 tomatoes in one bottle. Highly doubtful I say. I mean how you even fit one tomato through the tiny opening on top.

This is the shit we have to deal with because of science

• Moles are horrible, they burrow and eat all the veggies people plant.
• Gingerism! Is that a thing now? I like Gingers I will not lie, but only if they have freckles and large bosoms. 

Is there a point? No. There are two.

• I don’t know if it would be awful not to have a shower- I mean you can always buy that shower attachment thing for the bathtub and pretend to have a real shower. Or if you lived in the bush, just tickle an elephant which just drank a lot of water. Well I wouldn’t bathe in the elephants pee.... I mean how does an elephant drink water – it snorts it up its "nose" right and then shoots it up its mouth? What if we could tickle it before it went down to the common ear nose and throat portion and then it would sneeze the water out on us dirty dirty humans. It may be a bit mucousy, but its better than bathing in pee right?

Just once do something useful, Babar

•  Jik is toxic if you put it inside you. Don’t do that. People insides are meant to look nice and shiny and  red. Not that I’ve ever seen a person’s insides. I mean I’m not one of those sick people that that kill other people and then cut them up to see what their insides look like. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Um. Yes Jik is toxic.The point is not what you do once you have killed someone, the point is the torment leading up to the killing. Much more fun. It just gets far too messy after that. And then you have this stinky body to deal with. How do you get rid of it? Acid? Cement blocks attached to the feet and a large lake? A blender? No, all pains in the neck. I would make a horrible serial killer because I am far too lazy.

I have only seen Dead Alive about a million times

• For all your ear cleaning needs, I am informed that you shouldn’t use earbuds inside your ear. They just push all that waxy wax deeper into your ear canals anyway, which could lead to blockage and one day, ear amputation and a resulting loss of balance.  They just cut your ears clean off. If you’re lucky, they cut off both, otherwise you’d just be walking in circles for the rest of your life. EARBUDS ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS! THAT’S A GODDAMM LIE! THOSE FUCKERS AT JOHNSON AND JOHNSON PULL THIS SHIT ALL THE TIME

I typed "Corporate evil"in google and this happened.

• Be careful about old persons snoring and strange noises. If an old person ever makes them then leans over to you and says, “I would like to have your soul now”, you must immediately invoke the name of Hastur and tell him/her to lay down in his name. I read it in a book once.

Hastur the Unspeakable. But if you type it, its fine.

The only really gross TMI story I can think of is this: (be warned- avoid if you have just eaten.) So this one time I really needed to pee and my uncle, who was a bit of a drunk told me he knew of this bar in this really seedy part of Stanger which was close by. Now obviously we were nowhere close to home. And it was clear my uncle wanted to get something to drink, rather than stop so I could relieve myself on the side of the road. So off we go, into this bar with no lights and shady looking characters and I ask the guy at the entrance where the bathroom was. He points to a rusty door on the far side of the room while I’m standing there trying not to burst through my pants. I did the Charlston method across the room- which is frankly the only way you can move when you are in said position to avoid unnecessary leakage. I open the door. The smell hits me first. Just rank, damp, fungousy smells and stale air, there were no windows. There was one stall and the urinals had plastic bags around them. I open the door to the stalls and there appeared to be brown writing on the walls, it looked smeared on. Not only that, the worst part was the actual bowl. It was piled to the top with a mixture of chocolate mousse and lemon juice. I cant even say the actual words, because I feel like throwing up just thinking about it. So what does a boy do in this position? He pees, with his eyes closed and his shirt over his face trying to cover his mouth and nose. I grew impressive chest hair that night, but the nightmares only stopped after a few days.

 No picture required for that last one

End

RB