Maniac Depression 2: Pinhead

Enter the offices of the Doctor, therapist to the supernatural, the murderous, and the mildly pissed off.

For Maniac Depression is touching their souls.

His depression is legendary, even in hell.

Doc: Hi Elliot. You look sharp. How are you today.

P: Don’t call me that. What is one day’s feelings, when I have the whole of eternity to torment through?

Doc: You might have eternity, but I have other patients today. Let’s begin.

P: Sorry. It’s the Female. I never thought there could be anything, but the other day she showed up wearing a dead goat on her head and it was love at first smell.

At first I was like...

But then I was like 

P: But she won’t return my notes. I mutilated 3 pregnant teenagers this morning as an offering to her and she didn’t so much as flap her neck wound. Also Chatterer and the other Ceno’s keep making things really awkward all the time.

Doc: How so?

P: Only yesterday Chatterer stuck a note on the back of my head with a crude drawing of the Female, and underneath was the caption: Female, Pinhead wants to nail you. I threw a battle axe at him.

Doc: Boys will be boys.

with an added hint of murder

P: I am their leader! I demand obedience. Every time I walk past them Butterball wolf whistles and smacks my bottom and Chatterer just clicks his teeth in a perverse way. The drool, it’s horrible. I should flay them all for eternity for this.

Doc: Well why don’t you, its not like you could kill them? Flay away.

P: Oh, I have more important people to flay Doc. We're running on serious backlogs, even with our Cenobite Assistants working 48 hours in a single day. And someone has to do the admin.

Doc: You know, the more you chase a woman, the more she will run away from you. Have you tried being cold toward her? Aloof even?

P: Cold is the only way I know how to be.

Doc: Colder then, abusive maybe.

P: I lashed at her face and then threw salt at her a few days ago, is that the sort of thing?

Doc Yes, what was her reaction?

P: She smiled and said I should stop fooling around and I should mangle a minor or something. Just brushed it off basically.

a real catch.

Doc: Well, wouldn't we all like to have fun like that.

P: I'm planning to ask her out again. That one time I took her to the 5^th circle of hell. There was just so much moaning, it really wasn’t romantic enough. The entertainment for the night was Dante, he kept reciting poetry the whole night. It was pretty shocking.  I didn’t even get a kiss out of it. My pins kept stabbing her in the eye. Turn off I suppose.

Doc. Maybe do something that involves minimal physical contact with you?

P: I took her to a night service for the Leviathan, I thought it would bring us closer spiritually. How wrong I was, I didn’t know she was a Mormon. We all wear black, it’s an easy mistake to make.

Doc: The beard shes got on these day might have given it away.

P: I don’t know anything about Mormons, or their God, Morm. She must have felt so embarrassed when I kept pushing her up to drip goats blood over the altar.

Doc: Maybe you should take these happenings as a sign that things aren't going to work out right now. Whatever happened to that nice girl Kirsty you spoke about a few sessions ago?

P: The Human? I don't know. I cant really initiate a date until she opens the puzzle box. And then she'll just think I came to tear her apart with hooked chains. Oh Doc I'm so frustrated.

Doc: Have you been taking your medication? Do I need to increase the dosage?

P: Yes, and also the painkillers. The taste of that aspirin is suffering like I have never felt before.

Doc: okay good, I suppose. I feel in the meantime you need to focus on Kirsty as a distraction, and who knows, maybe she'll say yes, and if not, maybe it will make the Female jealous. Or they both may be interested, and we can stop calling you Pinhead and start calling you PinCushion.

P: What.

Doc: You know, coz all the wimminz are stuck on you. 

P: I should kill you for that joke.

Doc:Our time is up.