For this my first post, I decided to write about a Stallone collection DVD I recently bought- “THE Stallone Collection”. Now it came with Cobra, Demolition Man, and Assassins. Naturally, I chose to write about the worst of them (but not by much), The Specialist. They should have known the movie was in trouble when Mario van Peebles turned down the offer to direct.
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| “over the shoulder armdrag, that’s what you get for Catwoman, and this pile also.” |
Stallone
plays an ex- CIA hitman who now freelances by answering advertisements for hits
on the “Internet”. Sharon Stone comes along apparently through her prodigious
use of the “Internet” and wants to kill Eric Roberts for the murder of her
parents when she was a child, and not just for the reason that he is Eric
Roberts.
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| This Guy |
Sharon Stone
ends up taking on an assumed name (Adrian), having sex with everything and then
faking her death. Later she would say she drew inspiration for the role from
Tupac.
So Stallone
ends up master-exploding the shit out of Eric Roberts, by sneaky teacup bomb
methods he learnt from kitchens of the CIA.
If Sharon Stone was in that scene he could have been all like, “Yo Adrian,
I did it”. The writers missed that.
Involved in
all of this is an old bombing associate of Stallone’s, James Woods who has a
few good lines, a few Wicker Man crazy spells and some Morpheus glasses.
James woods: (to old man wearing a colorful shirt] “Where are you going? Hey, use the
stairs, this one's full. Get outta here! Get a new shirt.”
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| “What am I doing in this?” |
Stallone and
Stone (“Stonelone”) hump and grind their way to the conclusion of the film
accompanied by the tones of the latin heat that was Gloria Estefan. The details
do not matter.
Two veg:
Stallone’s
cat was named "Timer". Presumably he was a countdown to CATastrophe.
RB
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