Maniac Depression 1- Freddy Krueger

Enter the offices of the Doctor, therapist to the supernatural, the murderous, and the mildly pissed off.

For Maniac Depression is touching their souls.

Welcome to my nightmare.

Doc: So back again Frederick?

FK: Don’t call me that. But yeah, it’s gotten worse.

Doc: The Nightmares? How so? Tell me about them. 

FK: Well I don’t really feel like the nightmares  I create mean anything anymore. They used to be fun and exciting, that feel of fear dripping down the pant leg of my brain. Remember the time I smooshed up Johnny Depp and shot him out of his bed like a Johnny Geyser? A Jeyser? A Jaeger even.

Doc: Yes that one was really entertaining. Also I loved Pacific Rim.

FK: My point is that no one remembers that I thought that up! They only remember what it looked like! It was entertaining to them. It was more to me, it was art, it was beautiful, but all they saw was a mess of entrails they had to clean up. I want recognition!  Do you know how much planning and sodium bicarbonate went into  that Jeyser? It was ridiculous, and BLOODY expensive!  What about me? What about my finances? I should have got intellectual property rights!

Doc: Well this is the type of work you got into. Not many people have been given the chance to be supernatural serial killers. We must all suffer for our art. If it hits you hard in the pocket, like most people, you're just going to have to deal with it, don’t you think? Tighten the belt and so on.

FK: I dunno Doc,  maybe its me. I feel I'm just not creative enough anymore. There used to be times I would have hundreds of ideas to kill people, even if they didn't always work out as planned. I still can’t explain me changing into that motorcycle or that television set.

Now in 4D

Doc: I thought you were making relevant commentaries on  the excesses of humanity’s hedonistic lifestyle.

FK: I don’t know, I was mixing alcohol and morphine use back then. But still, people used to remember me for being edgy like that and darkly funny even sometimes. Now I’m just a pizza face with rippy claws.  

Doc: And why do think that is? We all have those days when we feel like takeout.

FK: I don’t know. Everyone these days are crazy about zombies. That’s all I hear. They say “Oooh did you see all those zombies just walk up and eat-murder those people”. “Eeew look at the brains all over the place oooo”.  And that Goddam Jason, he’s trying to sneak in and do the Zombie angle too. (Mincing) “Oooh look at me I’m undead and loving it. I like to kill couples boning thereby providing lessons in morality.”   Crap! Everyone knows he’s a bigger arsehead than Leslie Nielsen.

Doc: Maybe you should incorporate more zombies into your nightmares. You know – a new nightmare. Ride the wave while the crest is still, uh, cresty?

FK: You mean like that one time I pulled out that kids veins and tendons and played puppet master with him?

Doc. Not really, that one was pretty shit.

FK: How about that time I crawled out from inside that kids body? That was zombie like.

Huzzah!

Doc: No, too homoerotic. You gotta go with whats hot at the moment. Whats the classic? Boobs! And Zombies! What I’m saying is you want to go for something that feels like the special edition of Dead Island: Riptide, you know, the zombie chick with the big bloody bazongas.

Educational

FK: I don’t know Doc, I don’t just want to turn into a franchise like Piranha. I have standards. I don’t think we could afford David Hasselhoff anyway.

Doc: Lets face it, you tried being gritty, you tried the new burn victim look, they really didn't work. You need some 80’s cheese, and with that, some 80’s boobies. Cheese on boobies even. You get the picture.

FK : I have been thinking about this one idea. Okay so I’m at a pool …

Doc: This seems familiar.

Fk : ...and so I’ve got this one girl there and there’s no one else around, except for this water buffalo in a bee costume.

Doc: I told you stop using Madlibs for ideas.

FK: No, listen. And she goes up to the water buffalo because around its neck there’s a sign that reads: “Can I bee your fwend”? And so she starts petting the water buffalo’s face and then sees that its face is covered in these lesions which start bubbling and spurting ooze and then suddenly spewing out thousands of bees at her, and they dig into her skin on both her arms right up to her shoulders and the wings protrude from her skin and start fluttering excitedly. Some dig into her eyeballs and nose and neck and start flapping and eventually she’s lifted off the ground and into the night sky. And then I pop out and say “Bee seeing you! Give me a buzz when you get there!” And her head explodes for comic effect. And her headless body keeps going stopping occasionally at flower bushes for pollen. So, what do you think?

Doc: What did I just tell you about boobies?

FK: Oh and she was naked the whole time.

Therapy works.

Doc: Better. Although it seemed pretty contrived.

FK: I dunno, this is tooo hard for me!

Doc: Frederick, let me tell you a harsh truth. The world does not want complex murder anymore. They want quick and brutal and bloody. They want glass panes falling on children from heights, arrows through the necks of nuns, axes through faces of the previously disadvantaged. The world has changed. You cannot transform a teen into a cockroach anymore and trap her in a Roach Motel.  They want realistic death, death that could happen to them.

FK: Then I do not want to live in that world. I must change that somehow.

Doc: (Sigh) You fight a losing battle young Frederick. Nevertheless as your Doctor I will support you and guide you through whatever path you decide to take. What else have have you been thinking of?

FK: I was thinking to try to be relevant again, maybe I should do another rap?

 Doc: Our time is up.