2015 comes after 2014

Yes it is a new year. Who would have guessed we as a human race would have survived for such a long time? Not me. Certainly not Dino-Nostradamus. He didn't even  have the foresight to tell  his dino brethren to make a fire because WINTER WAS COMING.  

Dino-Nostradamus- exposed as a charlatan and fossil

Two point arise from this: 

1)You never see them preparing for the coming winter in Game of Thrones do you? Like they know its coming... shouldn't people be gathering wool or insulating their houses with yak's fat? Its more like "we know winter is coming... but we couldn't be arsed to prepare. Its only a figure of speech anyway".

2) How did dinosaurs actually die? Was it the meteor or was it the ice age, volcanoes, or all of them? Because Ice Age 1-4 (5?), We're Back, A Dinosaurs Story and A Sound of Thunder all say different things. I mean come on guys, Hollywood should at least try to maintain some consistency up in this bitch.

Even so, these are the Velociraptors we deserve. 

Anyway, Update: I am still male and human, barely. I quit my job at "Huge Bastard Corporate Law Firm", stopped taking antidepressants, stopped smoking, went back to my old job, got a hot girlfriend (no pic requests pls, but I promise its true) and forgot about writing on my blog. Until yesterday... when I remembered and saw a few drafts I had written just asking  me to publish them. 

Here are things I want to talk about:

How I quit my job.

I was up for performance review because the bosses realized that the 8 hours I put in at work could comfortably be converted to another couple hours each day if they made it seem that I needed to work harder to stay. Little did these highly paid idiots know that I was sick of their bum-scratching, head-patting, limpdick, back-stabbing, mind-closing, arse-licking, eye-gouging, neck-squeezing, vagina-monlogue-ing corporate culture,  and that I had been making plans to leave from months before.

Accurate representation

Anyway, the day of the performance review came, and I walked in, and these two sacks of fecal matter, one my boss, and the other the company HR manager sat looking smugly at me,  like each had won a prized case of herpes from their favorite prostitute.

Long story short, I was surprised how flustered I was able to make men who were 20 years my senior. It was hilarious looking at their jowls wobble. They even threatened me with the line " If you do anything to harm this [huge company which shouldn't be afraid of a little ex-employee like me ( I mean there are real corporate scandals this company is involved in , and also not to mention the eternal fight for their souls against Beelzebub that they should actually be worried about], we have ways of Dealing with you...".  My hope is that one of those ways is not another job offer. 

Moar Lawyers!

Unfortunately I may have taken it a bit too far when I threw my building access card across the table at them and then had no way to leave the building. Luckily a certain employee agreed with my assertion that the bosses were wankers and lent me an access card with which to make my daring escape. But first I went downstairs and called a colleague an idiot. All classy, All the time

Then I went back to my old law firm and got a job there. Yay

Traffic

Why is this even a thing in 2015? We have had 2015 years AT LEAST, to sort out this thing. Where has all the Traffic research money gone to? Have these people simply been pocketing the money? As a taxpayer, I refuse to recognise  traffic. This should no longer be a problem. 

Enjoyable

Where are the hover cars the 80's films told me would exist by now? You mean in 30 years, our scientists couldnt figure out how to make a hover car? The blueprints to make one are right there in the screenplay for The Fifth Element. And what about the hover car research money? No more bullshit audi models, wheres the frickin hover car, audi? Even Sgt Bilko could make a Hovertank! I think if we stop sinking money into stupid Spiderman reboots, we could at least make a car that can stick to walls. That's a start. 

This however, seems to be a slight misstep. (times 8)

Heal the World

Why hasn't there been another version of  or a song like Heal the World in the last 10 years? Have the worlds problems become too shitty, that not even a silly pop song can do much to motivate people anymore? 

Of course we get the crap songs at Christmas, that encourage people to spend more money at shopping malls, but nothing when we read or hear about Isis, Boko Haram, Israel, Syria, Genocide, Rape, and Fox News.

I just want a cheesy Michael Jackson song to make me feel a little better, even for 2 minutes. Maybe something that will come on the radio and make a gunman stop and think before he makes his way into a public school (at least long enough for someone to spot him sitting in his car and then smash a brick on his head).

This is the cheese we deserve.

Oh wait. Micheal's Dead. And he was an alleged pedophile. And Bill Cosby may have done really terrible things while the world laughed at his show, for decades.  And Robin Williams is dead. Thanks, the 2000's, you certainly are the best 1000's. Fuckin' Bullshit.

Patch Adams cant fix up the world anymore. Mrs Doubtfire can't clean up the House. Young Alan Parrish  and Peter Pan  only get to grow up once.

Sad Face
RB